DumbDumbBells

o I feel very tired and sick. I took off day, was feeling really bad today. I guess, today I need someone to hug me. Not just anyone, no, not even Jay cuts it. I need a real good hug from someone i care about. Where is Bib? I remember she gives the best hugs.

I really miss the girls. Before i meet them, I always think there are so many things I need to tell them but lately upon meeting them, I do not feel the need to tell them. Just sit down and sigh with relief that I am with them once again. I cannot wait for what is about to happen.

I am incorrigible. I haven't showered since yesterday. Dun worry, I won't pollute the air outside. I have been at home all the way and I have been walking around the house. To my room, back to my living room, back to my room. I had no internet until this morning which i stole from my neighbour. The TV's been off. I think I am going mad.

I refuse to meet anyone. Refuse to get to know anyone. I think it's just one of those days, you know? However, last week was really fun. Sat saw me playing pools and guzzling down you-know-what, what I do best, with J.

In the morning, I got this message from him

"Darling, what are we? Just friends? Buddies? Companions?Best friends? What do you want me to be? Dun think 'There he goes again...' Just answer me."

To which, I replied,

"Companions"

His answer?

"Can I please be the only one right now? The only one you think about? And when you find someone better, you must let me know. For now, you are mine only! Ok?"

I said,

"No."

To this, I must stress out that I do not want anything serious. Why am I sharing this? I want to know, why are people always searching for what they cannot get? Why do they not appreciate it what they have? Stoopid.

Syarifah and me caught up after god knows how long. We got complimentary drinks from CoffeeBean because they cleared up our drinks before we were done because I went out for a smoke. I love that girl, she talks sense. intellect is the word that comes to my mind whenever her name comes into mind.

Ok, I got to go shower now.

P.S: I don't know who reads my blog but everything that is written here are my daily thoughts, happenings and I have no motive to what I am posting. So, please pardon me if you sense any weaknesses in my being through my writing and not attack it.

Thank you.

"I am more of a man than you can ever be but

you can never be half the woman I am"

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

A-ok

Hey there you gorgeous people.

The reason I have not been blogging for so long is that my mum did not pay the bill again, thinking it was the SCV bill(I am starting to think that she is doing this on purpose).

So, here I am blogging while on duty in Valueshop.(Thanks Azfar). There are things happening but not really significant. I paint my nails a different colour everyday because Sasa is beside my shop. I review all the brands available there. Sasa's moisturizer rocks. Samantha's obsessed with Chips&Dale and I found myself talking to Dale the other day(I don't even know if it is spelled Dale). Anyhoo, Huang Peng accidentally burnt YZ with the steam iron. ARE U OK!?!Sigh. Nat drops by the shop a lot. I haven't seen my girls for two weeks, almost. Thank god I am meeting them this evening. HE has been keeping me company here and there. Promises of forever and ever. Yadaa yadaa and all that bull. I.AM.NOT.INTERESTED.

Understand?

Oh well. Note to self: Monday blues really exist so load up on Ben&Jerry's.

Bye, biatches

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

EMRS is a bitch. Jonna and CJ cannot go on Wed which means that the whole world who took flexi have to cancel their flexi-s.

Many things are happening. But i am really lazy to pour over the computer photoshopping and uploading and posting and writing about those things.

Imma try ok.

P.S: My hair's pissing the hell out of me.

P.P.S: My bill's enormous. I just paid half of it.Stupid J. Till then, I am broke.

Wah, big fucking deal ah Zulaikha.

K Bye.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Today, I meddled with another look, which is to fill the ENTIRE eye with eyeliner. Effing cool, i tell ya. I tell you, I can go on and on about makeup, moisturisers, anything really. But clothes, I am a basic girl. Which I really want to change. I don't want to be basic anymore.

Somebody help me change my dress sense. Oh, did I mention I was bored.

But I know next week's gonna be effing fun.

This week suck tits.

P.S: You now know how bored I am because this is my second post that I said 'suck tits'.
School's taking away my social life which sucks because HELLO!, I just turned single. I am SUPPOSED to get out there. Ah, well, that will have to wait. Right now, imma go get some shut eye.

NIGHT WORLD.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Faint spells yesterday night.

Feel so much better now.

I think I need to tell him now.

Don't worry, even I dun know what to make of it.

U think he would know better than to trust me with his affections.

Some people, some people.

Besides that, I miss having a life.

Valueshop suck tits.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Aches

I am supposed to watch the dishes, fold the clothes and organize my wadrobe because I want to sleep till late on Sunday and that wouldnot be possible if the hosework piles up and then would have to be cleared on Sunday. And also because I have to fucking go to SCHOOL on Saturday. Who the fuck goes to school on Saturdays? All because of open house. Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother to do these things. Ya, I know they are compulsory but i can have a choice. When 2007, I could bet both my balls(figure of speech) that I would so bail on these things. Guess I am getting better at my discipline. Next goal? Time management.

Day in, day out, it's been school, smoke breaks, lunch, whining, thinking of doing stock count but never really doing it, going home, meeting close ones*ahem* and then sleeping. I am tired. I need a drink, badly. YZ's birthday party soon next Wed.

K, i really got to get going.

P.S: I dun know where is my Ipod.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Throw rocks

You know what's the problem with guys?

Before they have you, expect 4 e-mails, 67 sms, 39 calls from them everyday. Hear them take notice of every detail on your body, your accessories, your smile. Witty banter, anxious hoping. The more you shy away, the more they chase.

But after, oh my, who gives a flying fuck that you want to go to the beach to spend time with them? Who cares? ESPN is on, fucking drinking session that day. A date? Sure, tag along, why don't ya?

But all that's part and parcel, I understand but the most mind boggling thing right now are how they are willing to put themselves out there, hoping u'll pick them.

Why am i saying these?

There is an anon person I have been talking to. Met, talked, laughed. All in the name of friendship. At least for me. Untill he fell. Falling falling, dark abyss. With nothing to land on but cold hard TRUTH. And after you spell out, he starts saying that you are using him. FUCKING girl using a guy. ME! No matter how much you explain, they hear 'Bla Bla Bla', nonsense, was it?

Ah please. I had to tell him I got back with someone else, ok. And that he understood. STOOPID. Being honest doesn't pay.They'll never see it your way.

I am angsty. Let me be. Are there no more sane people?

Monday, January 7, 2008

MSC

Valueshop

Friendz

Cheers

Giordano

Fusion

Sasa

Today there was really nothing to do so I dabble in what I dabble in best. Makeup. From Sasa.

Some looks I came up with. I loike. U dun loike ur pasal.

Pardon the eyebags and my eyebrows(was growing them out for threading).

I have been filling my time with my brother

And the tots(not as much as I want to but better now than before)

I love it right now.

Because right now, 'Like A Boy' by Ciara makes so much sense.

Love, love, love.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

It starts.

What have I been doing? School. Home. Clubbing with the folks, out with the brother.

After his phonecall that day, I could not bring myself to date. I really thought we were going till the end. After the separation, there are things I wished I had done differently but there are just some things and reasons that is going to stay in my heart. There are just some things I tried telling you but would u stop and look into my eyes? Can you read what's in them? Do you see you? Yes, that was the only thing that stopped me, you. The fact that I knew who you were, adored who you were stopped me. From what? Nvm.

Blinders, blinders, these blinders are off. Off to see flowers instead of plants, to see shapes instead of mere clouds, to see reason instead of excuses. To see independence instead on fear. To see romance instead of compromise.

To be me and not be afraid of it.

And with that, i freeze this heart. Till it's filled with cynism just like how it was, stone. To not allow anybody who tries to be something else with me, to not bend or be weak. To be heartless but real. I need to focus on priorities and they are not frivolous fun. And one day, i shall allow myself to be held and loved again but right now, no, no, not right now. For awhile.

i promise i would blog happier soon. I am happy actually but I do not know why I keep writing sad stuff. I might be moving to Livejournal so that i can lock certain entries. There are just some things I do not want people to know.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Sell Fish

Selfish, he says.

Selfish would be running back into your arms and pretending everything was ok.
Selfish would be doing what I really wanted to.

Trust me when I say, it's easier this way.

Love, love, love.