DumbDumbBells

I lost my thumbdrive and my Marketing and ICT AND my intecross-cultural projetcs are in it and now I gotta start from scratch.

Someone kill me.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

ahhh... those days

I am really stressed!

Cannot wait for term break.

Like a goldfish on land.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Okay, so I failed. I told myself that I was going to finish up my cross-cultural project during the weekend so that I can actually be a little less stressed during the week. But Friday saw me just chilling out at home with Regan and Saturday saw me downing beer and getting my mind scrambled and boggled with Scrabble and Boggle at the boardgame place, mindCafe at Princep. Sunday was not spared either with me running to Malaysia to get me some cheap ciggies to sustain till Tuesday. Really got to cut down on my expenses.

I am too lazy to take pics and all.

So due to my self need to keep my weekends as free as possible, I must now pump up my energy for the rest of the week.

Monday -> School 10-12
Makeup tutorial 12-2
Finish up Intercross-cultural project 2-5
Giving tuition 5-6.30
Go back home and finish up Marketing Management project 8-10
Study Business Finance ICA1 10-11.30
*BLEAGH.

Tuesday -> School 10-8(!!!)
Practise tutorial for Business Finance (9-11.30)

Wednesday -> School 10-2
De-stress( Meeting the tots)

Thursday -> Final touches on Marketing Project 11-3
School 3-6

Friday -> School 10-2
Study for Business Law

And THEN comes the weekend. God, save me.

But there is so many things I want to do. I want to night-cycle. I want to shop. I want to go swimming. I want to go club. I want to snuggle with Regan the whole day. I want to play badminton. I want to go Sentosa. I want to slack at Coffee Bean the whole day. I want to dance again.

But all that has to wait. Because?
Term test is here. And bro's going to NS and demands time from me, which I really dun mind. I mean, like, then who do I come back home to when he goes NS, man? Who am I supposed to play Winning Eleven with?He's happily leaving me and getting far away from the parents. Lucky him, I suppose.

1 and a half year to go till I leave far, far away.

YAY!!

Friday, May 25, 2007

My back hurts.

Don't worry, I am not dead.

So, these past weeks have been busy. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Though my body's kind of retaliating to all the sudden movement after two months of doing nothing but answering telephones and smoking my ass off.

Yesterday was horrible though. Upon reaching school, everyone started talking about all the deadlines due next week and the week after that. And I got so stressed, my head started throbbing like crazy. The noise proved too much for me to bear and after gathering all my willpower to actually attend Marketing Management, I had to succumb to whatever my body was telling me and practically floated into a cab back to Regan's place. After a week of not meeting him, yesterday was like a holiday to me. I just love it when I am with him and strangely, I am still not jaded yet.

Sometimes, when people tell me that we should have fun in life and then automatically assumes that the only life worth talking about is when you actually go clubbing. But to me, it is not just that. Being intoxicated blurs the harsh reality of life itself and you can always say that it was just for fun and suddenly, things that used to matter did not anymore. You feel whole and complete and so sure where you are going in life but after the first bus have gone and you go home and the next week arrives where you actually have to go through the 'mundane' stuffs, you feel so empty, hollow. Suddenly, life cease to be so serious. Flings, shots, smoke, laughter, sex. Yeah, it's all good and all that. And then, what?

Things that used to matter really do matter and some things are just not worth it. I remember when I was given a strong word of caution from the tots when I started spiralling out of control with the nightlife, and now, I am scared that anyone else would have to go through what I did. I hope people are armed with the ability to read between the lines. Because what I just said would never make sense if it doesn't apply to you.

Please note that this is not an attack but rather, worry on my part. That's all.

Anyway, my new class ain't as bad as I thought. A tad talkative but sounds just like me. Actually, I cannot wait for the chalet. And I cannot wait for the term break.

I don't understand what is happening to my bloody computer. Both my PC and my lappie. The internet's ok but it is going so slow, I cannot stand it. There are some pictures I have that I do not think are worth it to go through the whole slow procedure of uploading. Some random shots and the night @ the Pump Room. I've said it and I'll say it again. I do NOT like pubs or clubs where you cannot smoke in. How do you drink without smoking anyway??

I want a digicam badly. I saw a cam in a Harvey Norman ad about this cam which cost like 149 bucks!! So cheap! 7 megapixel! Money's becoming less of a problem after I started tutoring. At least I can rest knowing that I am getting cash sooner or later.

P6 maths and MALAY?!? Sorry, Sha, I guess I have to start borrowing your Malay novels and start listening to Achik dan Nana again. errrr.... I don't think there is a need to be so 'on'.

So, today's Friday and I feel like going somewhere for beer.Somewhere to just chill out.There's still Saturday after today. I love weekends.

Have I mentioned that?

Monday, May 21, 2007

I feel so sick, I can't take it.
I feel like I wanna quit smoking badly.

Bah, don't know how that would turn out but if only I have this feeling all the way to remind me of why I shouldn't smoke.

Just took medicine and had a good nap. But I had to wake up to prepare for Business Law presentation. Just finished it so I think Imma go to bed again.

This means gym would have to wait. This sucks.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Yesterday, I told myself I give people too much credit for them just being in my life.

Just yesterday, I told myself that I care too much.
I told myself I care too much when people say certain things and get really affected.

And today, I did something that I really thought wasn't my fault and I were to change things, I would have picked up the phone. Call me a girl but it kinda really hurt. And it got me questioning, why are my loved ones treating me like I am a piece of god damn trash when all I wanna do is to make them happy. Then, I think, why can't I count as myself as one of my loved ones.

So Fuck everyone if you think I owe anything because I know that I did not do anything purposely to make anyone really pissed with me.

The devil in me tells me that maybe I should really give them something to get mad at me about.
Because it sucks that I feel sucky for situations that normal people can land themselves in. I'm sorry I am not perfect. And you can ignore me and all but I now make a pact, Imma hold my head up high and not cry for all you useless people anymore.

FUCK ALL OF YOU.

Maybe one day, I'll go back to not giving a shit.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I am considering switching to Livejournal.

I find the cut thingy very convenient and the photos don't take so long to upload.

Hmmm.....

Still considering.

Bloody class is boring, that time of the month is messy.
I miss Regan too much to handle. I am, like, starving.
Someone get me out of this class.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

-I LOVE THEM FOR IT

Sha and Hani came over just now and it has been so long since we girls just sat down and just did things for no reason at all. For once, there was no talk of business or this whole 'trying to be someone I am not'. Because truth be told, the tots know each other better than any other friends they have because of the fact that we were cramped up with each other all of our adolescent times. So girls, please dun ever make a 180 degree change in who u are because that would just be too bad because you girls are great the way you are.

They kept complaining I have black clothing items only and they got a shock when they retrieved certain extreme pieces from my wadrobe. *snigger. Bubblegum lawa pe!

Please, Hani is infamous for her weird expressions in pic.

I love u guys lah.

There are a few things I really want to buy after getting my pay. It feels so good paying all my bills and fines and my internet's rolling so that I won't feel so fucked up staying at home, switching channels after channels on cable.

Ok, let me just get you guys in on a lil bad habit of mine. I never go shopping. Rarely, like once a year or something. The only time I buy anything is when I happen to have some cash with me and I really cannot stand what I was already wearing. And I always stick to basics. And more often than not, black always catches my attention.

So, I have decided to buy some staples so that my attire can look more put together.

*Black and white pumps.

*White and brown big bags for gym and school.

*Waist belt in black and white.

Simple things that can go a long wayyyyy. I am very kental, I know but if I don't put it down here, once again, I will spend all my money on ciggarettes, clubbing and beer. I think there's a guy in me.

Oh yeah. I think the first time I am ever going to say this. Finally, I have a need for tampons. 'nuff said. Thank god, for a moment, I almost considered the possibility of me being menopausal.

K peeps. Bubbye. Gonna go do some sewing now.

SEE YA!!!

YAY!!! Internet connection is up!!!!

Expect many many posts on the mundane stuff this random girl faces more often now.

I hope you are interested because I don't care.

Plus, I wanna do up a new layout.

Still not interested?

I still dun care.

And more PicS!!

I give up.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

EH, PLEASE EH!

DON'T GO GRABBING MY PICTURES AND POSTING IT IN YOUR OWN FRIENDSTER PROFILE WITH YOUR BUSTY SLUTS AND PRETEND THAT YOU KNOW ME, OK! BECAUSE YOU CANNOT EVEN SEE MY BOOBS IN THE PICTURE! THERE'S NO FUCKING REASON TO FUCKING GRAB MY PHOTO CLAIMING YOU FUCKING MISS ME WHEN I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE.

GUYS ARE SO FUCKING STOOPID.

P.S: IF I DON'T REPLY TO YOUR FIRST MESSAGE, IT MEANS I DON'T WANT TO, SO DUN FUCKING MESSAGE ME ANOTHER 15 TIMES BECAUSE I AM STILL NOT GOING TO MESSAGE YOU BACK PRETENDING I CARE . I'LL MESSAGE BACK ONCE TO WARN YOU AND THEN IMMA REPORT YOU, A-HOLE.

phew!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Currently in ICT class. I have no idea what the fuck the teacher's trying to say. So far, the only thing I have caught any ball at all was when he said we have a presentation next week.

It has been a whirlwind in my life currently. I remember complaining that I had so much time and everyone was so busy. NOW? I wish I had some time alone for a bit. So far, my brother especially is getting a tad freaked out because he is entering NS in less than a month and needs multiple assurances from his closed ones that he will be missed. And what does that mean? Consistent pleading to try DOTA with him. The end result? I hated it, big time. I mean, like why kill them at the base right? Don't know what I mean?

It is like the next played game after counterstrike or something. Me? Recently, I have been a terrible addict of Winning Eleven. I know, I know, I was never an advocate for PSP, Xbox or Playstation games.

But I LOVE THIS GAME!

Oh, don't look at me like that.

There has been so many things I want to say out, so many pictures I could have taken but I didn't, because I knew that it would be awhile till I can actually edit and upload and all that shit.

Hell, I don't even have time to think.

It feels like suddenly, I am left on my own, just getting by when everyone just acts like nothing had happened. I don't know if I should feel relieved that they are acting indifferent or whether I should feel anything at all. Suddenly, the chains are lifted and the ball's in my court. And the first instinct is to go wild just like a caged animal but the weird thing is, I find myself calculating each step slowly and carefully and sometimes the solutions come by a lil abruptly and that usually gets Regan a lil peeved off trying to keep up with my calculations.

I remember battling with my greatest fear two years ago. If I remember correctly, it was a few months after I shifted to Yishun. I fought my fear of solitude, actually, I overcame it so much, it had another effect on me which was I started to dwell in it. I remeber dwelling in it for three months straight, it got all my loved ones peeved off at me because I found my four walls safe but not comforting. No SIREE, not comforting at all. But safe, stable.

And I thought to myself, what a change I have been through. I remember when I had only me to take care of. And I hated the thought of someone getting so close to me. I hated relationships, doubted family. I remember walking all around Singapore with nowhere to go but happy. And after thinking about all this, it dawned upon me that the reason I am always so angry, so unhappy with the way things go was because I keep allowing the past to catch up on me. And I pine for the past so much, I do not allow anything else to take the throne of memories. But now, I am going to fade away all the faces of the past so I don't have anything to compare the present with. And with that, I am going to thank the Guy up in the Heavens for what he is giving me instead of getting angry because he took away what he gave me.

And so with that as a shield to help me with this next fear I have, I believe it is easier. I am now going to fight negativity. Not so much to make it disappear(as if that is possible*roll eyes*) but I am not going to allow negativity to consume me anymore. No more guilt for everything I do, no more worrying about what people think anymore.

I am sorry to bore all you people for fear that this is starting to sound like those inspirational movies that gets you all hyped up about life the next fifteen minutes after the movie ends. But this is my blog anyway.

Off to the gym I go now.

HAPPY 1 YEAR, DARLING.

Not that it is long time, considering the fact that there are gazillions of them to come.=))

*fingers crossed*

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Please bear it for awhile more, aight? I would love to keep contributing the lowdowns of what is happening in my life because keeping it in and being too lazy to write in a diary because i dun know which handwriting too use is just too unbearable for me.

So in about a week, my internet's going to be up again. (Mum just got the bill finally sent to the correct house.)

School right now is okay. Just adapting to the new subjects and the new classmates. And I finally got up my fat ass and cooked Nasi Lemak. DUDE, Nasi Lemak, you know!! For someone who has trouble cooking Maggi Mee in the past, I would say it is rather a big deal for me. And my family finished all of it. I hate cooking the sambal though. Oh well.

My pay finally arrived, meaning, I finally paid Regan the littering fine donkey years ago and my handphone bill. I feel so relieved.

I still have not gotten the red friend every month and for the third time, I went to check for any *ahem* reasons I do not want happening. It's been three months ok!! As usual, negative.

Oh, and I got the tutoring assignment and the coolest thing is that it is near Regan's place but the not so cool thing is, by the time I finish tutoring, he would sitll be at work.

Home is kinda bad but roll with the punches, right?

This is very a very sloppy effort to blog but I got to wake up this boyfriend beside me so that he could go to his driving practical.

For the photos, too bad, I did not take any and if I did, I cannot post them just yet.

Love,

Zulaikha.

*Meanwhile check out 5fekta.blogspot.com.
*winks.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Me and Regan were talking about digicams.

I LURVEEEE....

Class is boring.

I am broke.

Internet's still down.

I am off to gym.

see ya.