I guess that's that.

Well, apology accepted, i guess. I am done with trying to make things happen the way I want things to happen. Like what mum said, 'Dun think that this is life and that's all there is because there is more. You are only beginning'.
To tell you the truth, I am sick and tired of fighting. I am sick of trying to make a change of their mindsets which had been set for decades. No matter how stupid they are. There is a bigger problem that is swept under the rug here. A bigger problem that leads to everything that is happening. And who am I to come and tell them what principles they lack and that their common sense is practically non existent. Fact is, I knew what was on the line the moment I decided to make the change of my life about a year ago and there is no use of whining and wanting things to be different now.
I should just accept the fact that this is not the time for me to make any life altering decisions. 2 years is so near yet so far. I am 18, I am only striving for independence, only learning. Maybe I am growing up too fast. Maybe I am thinking about things that only 20 somethings are thinking about. Marriage, settling down. Maybe I am so into the destination, I wanted to fast forward the journey.
I feel like I am struggling to understand what the hell this stupid life is about. Because they say that you take the biggest lesson from home. And home is telling me to lie and watch my back.
I once lived by the day. Let me explain, I start the day with a clean slate, see? And I go through everything with smiles. Sincere smiles,(how long have that been?) and then if something screws up that day, I try to solve it there and then. If I truly couldn't, I just let it go. And it has always been working well. Till recently, I wanted to make big changes to what's happening here. I wanted to break free. And it backfired again. (Note: again.) I want to do that again. I want to be concerned with normal trivial stuff like getting a manicure and stuff.
Because seriously, after much thought, I looked around my house today and with the slight sore throat I have been complaining incessantly about and I realised how ungrateful I am. To God, you know?
I feel grateful that I wake up everyday. I feel grateful when Regan calls me everyday. I feel grateful that I am not handicapped. I feel grateful that I am able to filll my tummy whenever hunger pangs strike. And i should.
So I'll say forget the past and Cheers to a brand new tomorrow.